Thursday, 8 September 2011

It's been 23 years and I need to get this off my chest.

Hey, remember this? This, I mean:
I wrote a letter to my love,
And on the way I dropped it.
A little doggy picked it up
And put it in his pocket.
He won't bite me
And he won't bit you
But he'll bite the one who's got it
So drop it, so drop it
It must be dropped by now.

I distinctly remember playing this game on the black top at my primary school when I was in grade one, and not being able to concentrate on the game because all I could think was "WAIT A MINUTE!! NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE!!!"

Let's line by line, then, shall we?

I wrote a letter to my love,
And on the way I dropped it.

Well, that's fine. It makes sense. It's disappointing that this letter was apparently very important to you and your love, and you couldn't keep track of it. But maybe it was a long trip, or a very small and easy-to-miss letter. I'm sure you have a perfectly good explanation.

A little doggy picked it up
Was it beef scented? Why would a doggy pick up a letter? Unless it was a postal doggy maybe, or like the Neo Citron dog, and just trying to be helpful.

And put it in his pocket.
Dogs don't have pockets! What the hell?
Why is this messed up dog going around picking up people's personal shit and putting it in what I can only assume are imaginary pockets? He's obviously not being helpful as we'd previously assumed because if a dog's got pockets, he's clearly pretty serious about keeping stuff hidden. I doubt he's planning to deliver that to it's rightful owner, or he'd just carry it in his mouth like a normal dog.

He won't bite me
And he won't bit you
Really? Cause he sounds like kind of an asshole.

But he'll bite the one who's got it
But, but, THE DOG HAS IT!
We've established that this dog is stealing people's personal effects and either depositing it into imaginary pockets or has gone to the trouble of procuring real pockets for some underhanded purpose. And now he's either forgotten he has this letter (best case scenario: rabies) or he's hiding it in his fucking pocket and pretending he doesn't have it so he can accuse people of having it and bite them.

So drop it, so drop it
It must be dropped by now.
Excuse me, but I don't respond favourably to ultimatums from jackhole dogs.
I'll drop it when I want to drop it.
Oh, wait... no, I won't. I don't have it.
That shithead dog has it.


Thank you for reading. I feel so much better now that I've said that.
You may now return to your usual business.

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